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Now, I can totally identify with all the points except for the last. Even thought I am from the only “official” bilingual province in the country, I am far from fluent. Heck, I can barely speak enough French to find the bathroom! Recently, though, I’ve been thinking about correcting this franco-deficiency.
My problem with learning a new language is that it’s ridiculously hard. Also, it’s difficult to find ways to keep myself interested in the process, especially if “the process” is a french tutor that costs me an excessive amount of money. If you’ve ever tried to learn a foreign language, I’m sure you have felt the same.
So what to do? Stick it out and take the costly, boring lessons? No way. Shell out a ridiculous amount of money for Rosetta Stone? Yeah right!
The solution: Acquire a hot French girlfriend?
Yes! But, sadly, there aren’t that many French women around these parts, so…
Plan B: Start playing poker in French!
This made sense to me because I love games, especially card games, and poker is a very social card game which would allow me to get some “conversational” practice, too. So, I bit the bullet and signed up for a membership on PartyPoker.fr.. and it’s going really well! So well, that I am considering incorporating more French language activities into my life.
When I’m done playing poker.]]>
Judy duty is one of those things that every person is obligated to do as their “civic duty,” but it’s a huge pain in the ass! It throws your life out of joint for a few days, weeks, or even months; it doesn’t pay very well; and unless you’re Pauly Shore, it isn’t much fun.
Honestly, getting out of jury duty isn’t that difficult. It all depends on who you are, where you’re from, or if you just don’t give a damn about making a fool of yourself.
Here are a few ways to get around the most annoying of civic duties:
Please Note: This article is for general information purposes, and maybe for a good laugh. In no way should you ever believe this constitutes as legal advice; if you’re looking for legal advice see a lawyer, I hear they’re pretty good at that whole “law” thing.
Many people get out of deciding the fate of murders, rapists, and other loathsome people by fitting into one of the categories below.
If you can pass yourself off as one of these type of people, just write your court officials as quickly as you can. They should have no problem letting you off the legal hook. You will probably be relieved of your duty before ever having to set foot in a courtroom. There’s also a good chance that you’ll be added to the juror’s “do not call” list.
In case you aren’t instantly qualified to be voted off the island, you may be able to stay your duty if you have important things to do.
Deferments are common and can be done in writing your court, but don’t think you’ll get off Scott-free; the legal system will never forget about you, and you can be sure you will be called upon after the postponement expires.
Hardships also qualify for a deferment, however you will have to sell yourself. You can contact the court via mail and explain your situation, but they might not show much leniency through the mail. If you can also explain your problem in person, you’ll get the added human element.
This leads me up to…
So, you haven’t managed to get out of the dirty deed yet? Well, you’d better show up to court when ordered. A no-show is a serious matter, and you’ll probably get fined.
When you arrive at the jury meeting a court employee will probably ask all potential jurors if they have any legitimate reason for not being there. If you really do have one, go for it!
Normally the courts will allow you to duck out if you have travel plans, an intense work schedule, or some sort of medical or family care responsibilities.
If that doesn’t work, on to..
If you’ve reached this point, you’re probably going to have a hard time getting off; it’s time to get a bit creative. You will normally be interviewed by the court to see if you have any bias to the case, or have any conflicting views which may sway your decisions. For example, if the case was for the murder of a clown, and you happened to be a professor at a clown college, you might be turned away.
Basically you’re being interviewed to see if you’re an objective person, and if you want to get out of jury duty, you’d better not be. Try to pass yourself off as a a bigger idiot than you already are. While the case is being explained to you use a bit of theatrics and gasp in horror, or shake your head in disgust, but be subtle. This will help show that you aren’t objective, and your chances of being selected is slim.
This might be a good time to mention to the court that the crime committed is similar to something that has happened to a friend or family member. For example, if the case is about car theft and your brother just happened to be arrested for the same thing last month, now is a great time to let someone know. You could even add a little something about how you gave your car to a car donation recently, and make up some ridiculous reason as to why you think they ripped you off.
You can also know little too much! Have you been to the area that the crime was supposedly committed? Do you know the witnesses somehow? Are you friends with cops, or other law-enforcement officials? Speak up!
You have to be careful, though, as a good boss with proper HR management systems won’t be fooled by these fun, silly excuses.]]>
If you work at a large company, or go to just about any school, you’ve probably tried to browse to a favorite website only to find that it’s been blocked from your view. It may be annoying, but network administrators usually do this for perfectly valid reasons; it may be to lower their ISP bills due to bandwidth-wasting sites, or to block social networking sites at a place of business keep employees more productive.
Even though these restrictions are in place there may be times that you have a perfectly valid reason to access one of these sites, like when you need to find a phone number of a contact. This is a quick and simple guide to bypassing your organization’s blocking methods. Use at your own risk and be aware if your company deals with flagship merchant services that you might still be monitored.
This is probably the quickest way to get to a blocked site, but a downfall is that you’re forever browsing back to the proxy’s web page to navigate to another web page. This extra overhead may be acceptable for the one-off use, but if you’re browsing several web sites it can get pretty annoying. It’s also likely that network administrators may be blocking these sites if they’re already blocking other types of sites.
I should also mention that simply because a proxy is “anonymous” it doesn’t mean that they don’t log information about you; you never know what information might be stored about you.
If you want to take the risk, here are a few sites that offer web proxies. Some are better than others, but you never know which ones might already be blocked.
Anonymous Web Proxy List:
All popular browsers support using a HTTP Proxy, but one down-fall is that you simply cannot rely on these anonymous servers to work; they are hosted by a third party which may go up and down, not to mention that most servers limit the bandwidth that passes through them. Aside from these issues, this is method is equally quick as using an anonymous web proxy if you know what you’re doing.
HTTP proxies are best suited for accessing several websites at one time through a proxy, as the functionality is integrated into your browser. This method also allows you to forgo the overhead of using the web interface of web proxies.
Below are several sites that have updated lists of active anonymous proxies that anyone can use. The listings are normally in the form of <ip-address>:<port> where <ip-address> is the Host/Address of the server, and <port> is obviously the port you connect to. If you’re not sure what to do with the server information, read down the page a bit.
Anonymous HTTP Proxy Server Links:
If this is your first time setting up a proxy server, you can take a look the guides below for help to configure your browser to use a proxy server.
Configuring your browser to use an HTTP proxy:
Even though it’s a bit beyond the scope of this article, you can also configure your operating system itself to use a proxy for all connections, not just your browser. There’s a handy guide for Mac OSX (10.3), however Windows is complicated to configure. You’re best off simply setting up the proxy connection in Internet Explorer’s Internet Options, and that should suffice for most applications.
If you’re the adventurous type, you might want to look into setting up your own proxy server at home (or elsewhere). This is probably the most secure and reliable way to access blocked websites via a proxy server.
You have several options for setting up your own proxy server; you may install a web proxy such as php proxy and set it up on your website, or run an server daemon on an operating system of your choice.
Windows, Mac OSX and Linux users have the option to set up one of the best HTTP Proxy servers out there, Squid. But,m even though it’s said that Squid is very easy to set up, you may want to try out the open-source web proxy Privoxy, which also supports a plethora of platforms, and may be more suited for you.
Self-Install Proxy Server Links:
I hope this information helps out those of you who are stuck without access to a required site, but please keep in mind that even though you might have a perfectly valid reason to access a certain website, your network administrators might not be very happy with you bypassing their security measures.
If you know of any other web proxy servers, or would like to add your input, please comment below.]]>
I work for a company who supports satellite internet customers, so figuring out exactly where a customer is geographically helps a great deal with troubleshooting certain type of problems, namely weather-related issues.
No matter how much bandwidth you provide, customers always want to go faster; I think speed-related complains are the most common tickets I deal with. Here are a few decent sites you can direct customers to check their speeds.
Satellite internet is a finicky thing; from rain and snow to solar flares, anything can get in the way of a constant internet connection with a 2-way satellite system.
The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas.
This article is translated to Serbo-Croatian language by Web Geeks.
You shoot yourself in the foot.
You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”
After importing java.awt.right.foot.* and java.awt.gun.right.hand.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you’ve forgotten what the hell you’re doing.
Your foot is ready to be shot in roughly five minutes, but you just can’t find anywhere to shoot it.
You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns.
Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead.
SELECT @ammo:=bullet FROM gun WHERE trigger = ‘PULLED’;
INSERT INTO leg (foot) VALUES (@ammo);
You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you. (via Andy)
YOu’ve perfected a robust, rich user experience for shooting yourself in the foot. You then find that bullets are disabled on your gun.
You shoot your right foot with one hand, then switch hands to shoot your left foot but you realize that the gun has turned into a banana.
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.
After realizing that you can’t actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ….
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.
Foot in yourself shoot.
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.
The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot.
If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.
You shoot yourself in somebody else’s foot.
Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot of the left leg of you.
Answer the result.
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.
You’ll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.
You’ll shoot yourself in the foot, but you’ll have so much fun doing it that you won’t care.
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn’t allow it to explain.
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. After that’s done, you pull the trigger, the gun beeps several times, then crashes.
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.
You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes. (via Marco Azaro)
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Disclaimer: I didn’t write the original article, though I’ve added to it. I have had the funnier definitions above listed in a text file for several years, and I decided to add my own one day.
It has also been pointed out to me that there is another article like this here, though it’s longer than my original version so I can only assume it is also a hybrid from the original list. Perhaps the original author is updating his list? ]]>
Don’t make these blunders when you learn English, look into a great online education so you are ready to learn any language without funny mistakes. There are lots of ways to study English online, and with all the different options the only thing you’ll have to worry about is getting school supplies!]]>