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How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language


The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas.

This article is translated to Serbo-Croatian language by Web Geeks.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me, over there.”

JAVA
After importing java.awt.right.foot.* and java.awt.gun.right.hand.*, and writing the classes and methods of those classes needed, you’ve forgotten what the hell you’re doing.

Ruby
Your foot is ready to be shot in roughly five minutes, but you just can’t find anywhere to shoot it.

PHP
You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns.

ASP.NET
Find a gun, it falls apart. Put it back together, it falls apart again. You try using the .GUN Framework, it falls apart. You stab yourself in the foot instead.

SQL
SELECT @ammo:=bullet FROM gun WHERE trigger = ‘PULLED’;
INSERT INTO leg (foot) VALUES (@ammo);

Perl
You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you. (via Andy)

Javascript
YOu’ve perfected a robust, rich user experience for shooting yourself in the foot. You then find that bullets are disabled on your gun.

CSS
You shoot your right foot with one hand, then switch hands to shoot your left foot but you realize that the gun has turned into a banana.

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.

Modula2
After realizing that you can’t actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

COBOL
Using a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER. on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which
you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ….

BASIC
Shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

FORTH
Foot in yourself shoot.

APL
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it in fewer characters.

Pascal
The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

SNOBOL
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot.
If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid
You shoot yourself in somebody else’s foot.

HyperTalk
Put the first bullet of the gun into the foot of the left leg of you.
Answer the result.

Motif
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.


Unix
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
% ls
%

Paradox
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.

Revelation
You’ll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Visual Basic
You’ll shoot yourself in the foot, but you’ll have so much fun doing it that you won’t care.

Prolog
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn’t allow it to explain.

Ada
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.

Assembly
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot. After that’s done, you pull the trigger, the gun beeps several times, then crashes.

370 JCL
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Python
You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes. (via Marco Azaro)


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Disclaimer: I didn’t write the original article, though I’ve added to it. I have had the funnier definitions above listed in a text file for several years, and I decided to add my own one day.

It has also been pointed out to me that there is another article like this here, though it’s longer than my original version so I can only assume it is also a hybrid from the original list. Perhaps the original author is updating his list?

387 Comments

[...] (Lovingly stolen from here.) [...]

[...] לקוח מכאן. [...]

How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language…

A metaphor for every language, in use or historical. I liked PHP: You shoot yourself in the foot with a gun made with pieces from 300 other guns….

[...] A collegue sent me a link to this on a site, thought it was superb. Curteousy of fullduplex.org The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas. [...]

#!/bin/sh -

case “$foot” in
left)
cat /dev/bullets > /proc/left_foot;
;;
right)
cat /dev/bullets > /proc/right_foot;
;;
*)
left; right;
;;
esac

exit 0

Python
You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes.

“(all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another)”

Is it considered stealing if you create a programming language based on the concepts from other open source languages? (with the exception of a few, such as Java, which are not open)

BASIC
10 Get Water Pistol
20 Shoot yourself in the foot
30 GOTO 10

RPG:

C Z-Add 6 @Bullets 5s 0
C Movel ‘GUN’ @Weapon 10a
C Movel ‘Foot’ @Appendig 10a
C call ‘Shoot’
C Parm @Bullets
C @Weapon
C @Appendig

I don’t see matlab. YOu figure out how to shoot your self in roughly ten secondss. but the next time you do t will be totatlly differnet. ! week later your foot is suffiecnelty shot in the most streamlined of manners.

[...] read more | digg story [...]

I don’t understand the Perl one. I suggest:

Perl: you shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you.

the VB one sucks… it should be something like : “you try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to find out after countess attempts that it is not called foot but feet, not gun but rifle, not bullet but ammuntition, not aim but direct and not shoot but ‘projectile-inject’ “

Smalltalk…

self foot shoot.

Ruby on Rails: You start to think about shooting yourself in the foot only to discover that someone has already shot your foot for you.

Ruby on Rails (part deux): You want to shoot yourself in the foot, but the convention is to shoot yourself in the head. (Gotta love opinionated self-mutilation)

[...] Here are a couple of humourous articles on how to shoot yourself in the foot in any programming language. Link 1 and Link 2. [...]

XML:

After describing the pistol, the bullets, and your foot in minute detail, you find out that you can’t actually get to shoot your foot. So you begin describing your disappointment instead.

Matlab M-language

% Shoot yourself in the foot
shoot(foot);
??? Undefined function or variable ‘foot’.
??? Undefined function or method ’shoot’ for input arguments of type ‘double’.
foot = [];
help shoot

shoot.m not found.

Use the Help browser Search tab to search the documentation, or
type “help help” for help command options, such as help for methods.

Then you purchase the Shooters Gun blockset and toolbox for $2000 each so you can use the shoot function.

[...] Bevor ich die Tage endlich mal wieder einen richtigen Beitrag vom Leder lasse hier ein kleines “How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language”. [...]

You really should add something to the Perl method referencing the fact that you can shoot yourself in the foot in about 7 equally valid ways.

Perl: You shoot yourself in the foot with one line of code, but nobody can tell what’s your foot and what’s the gun,

ACTIONSCRIPT

You shooot your _parent._parent._parent._parent._parent in the foot…
End up wiping yourself from existance

ColdFusion:

(called from foot.cfm)
When that doesn’t work, you call MacroMedia, and they charge you $500 for an explaination on how to use the tag.

(i know this one sucks…what can I say, it’s CF)

Don’t forget ColdFusion:

Create custom tag to make shooting yourself in the foot a single easily-incudable call:

D
You shoot yourself in the foot in two linse using a builtin Gun and Bullet[].

The experience is so enjoyable you shoot yourself again….

Flex (AS + MXML):

You shoot yourself in the foot, all the while watching it “EffectWipeRight” away.

C#:
Copy how Java shot itself in the foot. Explain how you did it better.

ActionScript
You arrange gun_mc and foot_mc on the stage and make a nice ballistic animation with bullet_mc, but never actually shoot your foot, cause somebody hit the ‘Skip Intro’ Button.

Action script:

you are told to shoot yourself in the foot but you spend the next 3 days making a pretty button that shimmers and looks like an apple logo and never ended up being able to write the necessary code to invoke the required action

This is pretty funny, lol. It’s been a couple of years since I did any programming..but I do remember:

cin>>
cout>>

That’s all I can remember from C++! =)

Ruby:

In one line, you tell your foot to be shot and it is.

Brainfuck: You create a Turing complete gun, but it takes
more bytes of memory to store the gun than there are protons in the universe. The universe dies of old age before you finish writing the bullet.

(from http://www.steve.gb.com/perl/humour.html)

Haskell
Shooting yourself in the foot is considered a side effect so you try to use monads to handle the bullet’s I/O but find out you’re not smart enough.

Objective-C:

Gun * gun = [[Gun alloc] init];
Foot * foot = [[Foot alloc] init];

[gun shoot: foot];

.Net
Microsoft shoots you in the foot.

Unix

!

(That’s it, !, “bang”)

AppleScript
tell appllcation Gun.app
activate
set bullet to .45
— make sure the gun is loaded
repeat with i from 1 to number of chambers in the barrel of the gun
set chamber i of the barrel of the gun to bullet
end repeat
— aim
set aim of the gun to POSIX path of usr/local/foot/right
pull trigger of the gun
end tell

Io : You go to shoot yourself in the foot only to realize that your gun is actually a thermometer and your foot is actually your ass.

Even better..
.Net
Microsoft hands you a gun to shoot yourself in the foot.

.Net

Microsoft hands you a gun and swears blind it’s a toenail clipper

Someone throws a fucking chair at you.

Java -

Build a well formed class with a well designed shootmyselfinthefoot method, start your program and hold your foot still for 40 minutes while your app loads.

WATFIV

You spend 3 months manually programming arrays for conditions around interface. You get it working on your build compiler. It fails repeatedly on the production compiler, without errors, as one of your variables has the same name as an undocumented systems subroutine.(Put in by a system administrator 7 years ago to fix a printing problem…sigh. Actually happened.)

VB:

You do a Google search on how to shoot yourself in the foot using VB. You find seventeen completely different ways to do so, none of which are properly structured. You paste the first example into the IDE and compile. It brushes your teeth.

WATYF

HTML:
The closest you can get is an animated gif where you repeatedly prepare to and then actually do shoot off your oversized, cartoonish foot.

Scheme:

(define (shoot gun foot)
(if (null? foot) ()
(shoot gun (car (cdr( foot)))))

* create a function to shoot your foot off recursively.

Don’t forget the High level hardware programming languages

VHDL - See ADA

Verilog - See C

Don’t forget the High level hardware programming languages

VHDL - See ADA

Verilog - See C

Even h/w guys want to shoot themselves in the foot, just synchronously.

Bourne shell:
shoot yourself in foot.* ni flesruoy toohs

[...] How to shoot yourself in the foot  [...]

SAS
You spend 8 hours trying to figure out how to shoot yourself in the foot and create macros for each part of the gun, only to find out the mainframe doesn’t support ammo. When you get it to shoot 3 days later, you find you shot someone else in the foot.


[ cf_shootfoot returnvariable='done' / ]

since brackets don’t show

Javascript should be modified to include “Done, but with errors on the foot” - “Expected ‘)’”

ColdFusion:
application.cfm takes your shoes off for you, loads your gun for you, and cfschedules a doctor’s appointment. You successfully shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody believes you.

Really good stuff.

Better for Smalltalk:

self shoot: self foot

.NET Enterprise-style

Write a web service on that shoots things. Deploy it to the gun server. Write a web service that responds to pain. Deploy it to the nervous system server. Write an app that serializes a foot, and sends it to the gun server to be shot. Run, and wait 20 seconds for the shot foot to be de-serialized, shot, re-serialized, and returned. Add a function to re-serialize the foot and send it to the pain handler web service. Run, and wait 2 minutes for the pain to be felt. Release in a live environment for 1 month. Quit your job.

[...] A hilarious list of ways to shoot yourself in the foot with in many programming languages. If you’re a coder, this is good got a quick laugh.read more | digg story [...]

This one is the best:

Javascript should be modified to include “Done, but with errors on the foot” - “Expected ‘)’”

bourne sh:

if [ `eval expr "X${AIM}"` = "XFOOT" ]; then
rm -rf /
fi

[...] To be filed under geekery: how to shoot yourself in the foot with any programming language. [...]

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language [...]

[...] how-to-shoot-yourself-in-the-foot-in-any-programming-language [...]

.NET

Microsoft accidentally shoots you in foot. Promises service pack to reattach your foot sometime in the next year. 18 months later you get service pack that removes your colon along with the rest of your foot.

SAP ABAP/4:

Shoot yourself, in the foot.

You realize too late that the qualifier ‘in the foot’ is ignored because of the preceding comma. SAP gives no warning that you’re about to terminate yourself.

Lua:

You shoot yourself in the foot. Then you shoot yourself in the foot again, because it finished so fast the first time that you thought it had failed. Flushed with success and with two holes in your foot, you turn your program into a loadable module, and it never works again.

AJAX:

The gun makes an XMLHTTPRequest for the bullet which arrives some unspecified time later, killing a bird.

Delphi: Borland have a Gun compnent but its only available in the enterpise edition. You find a shareware Gun component for V6 but the documentation is in Polish and it doesn’t comiple. You give up and shoot your foot with PHP.

Rexx - The quickest and simplest way to shoot yourself in the foot. Unfortunately it’s a method nobody elese has heard of.

Arexx - As above, but integrated into hundreds of obscure programs all capable of shooting you in the foot simultaneously.

basic is still the best =)

Perl:

You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but perl warns you not too. So set $^W=0 to allow foot shooting without being pestered.

For JAVA, I think it should have been:

You waste 2 hours trying to implement a generic foot shooting framework, solving classpath issues, profiling the bullet shooting algo (because at first the bullet is too slow and bounce off the foot), adding performance tweaks and reducing the memory usage (the gun is too heavy), adding try {shooting} catch(whatever could go wrong) to make sure you find out why it doesn’t work only to ‘finally’ figure out that you can risk moving your foot for an indefinite amount of time because the jvm is too slow to boot and shoot, and that the bullet pauses in mid air because of a garbage collection…

OpenVMS BASIC:
You try to allow all 1000 of your users to shoot you in the foot simultaniously. Each gets their own gun, but they all share a single bullet. The attempt fails because the guns can’t find a transfer address.

Perl: ppm install Shoot::Foot from CPAN, and you’re ready to shoot yourself in the foot.

Fraking Hilarious

[...] Originally posted here… [...]

Erlang:

You give somebody a pistol and tell him to shoot your foot. Nothing happens. Suddenly, the guy’s supervisor comes along with a bazooka and blows you away.

[...] Here’s something that’s a tad bit lighter than usual. My personal favorite: Perl You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you. [...]

[...] read more | digg story [...]

Lingo
Realizing the gun looks better in Flash you command your Flash gun to shoot you in the foot, but its so slow you have time to move.

how do you shoot yourself in the foot with TCL how HOW MAN HOW?!??!?

Code Red (Code Wars)
After being able to shoot everybody else in the foot, you procede to shoot shoot your self in the foot….that is if you haven’t already done so.

C#
You get out the java code you used to shoot yourself in the foot with, replacing import with using, and remember always wanting to do something crazy like use delegates, so now every time you sneeze, your peers shoot your foot in addition to saying godblessyou.

HTML: You are able to aim at your foot, and shoot yourself with a .45, but when you try it with a shotgun, you blow your whole leg off. You spend the rest of the day trying to shoot only your foot off with a shotgun.

Get it!?!
The .45 is Mozilla, and the shotgun is IE!
Har, har, har.

[...] Funny article, a must for programmers [...]

Jordan, reagrding your comment:

basic is still the best =)

Really competent programmers can laugh at the weaknesses of their favorite language. All the rest just keep trying to convince themselves, and others, why their choice is the best.

Once you are good enough to push hard on any language, or OS, you find something to laugh at!

Formal Methods.

Descriping how to formal prove that once you do shot your self in the foot, your foot has actually been shot.

pre: gun is loaded
post: foot is shot

c#

weapon wpGun = new weapon;
wpGun = wpGun.AddBullets(1).CloseClip().CockTrigger(true).ToRightHand();
leg lgLeftLeg = new leg;
lgLeftLeg = wpGun.PullTriger(“foot”);

#!/bin/sh -

case “$foot” in
left)
cat /dev/bullets > /proc/left_foot;
;;
right)
cat /dev/bullets > /proc/right_foot;
;;
*)
left; right;
;;
esac

HTML

simplistic yet powerful, html provides you with so many easy to use ways to not only shoot yourself in the foot, but neat in-page links to do it till you’re done with the pain ;-)

Shoot yourself in the foot

Click on one of the following links to shoot foot of choice

Shoot yourself in the left foot
Shoot yourself in the left foot

This is your left foot

You have clicked on an anchor link to shoot yourself
in the left foot, congratulations, enjoy the pain!

This is your right foot

You have clicked on an anchor link to shoot yourself
in the right foot, congratulations, enjoy the pain!

If you have any foot left, click on this link to try again

Click here to have another shot

HTML

simplistic yet powerful, html provides you with so many easy to use ways to not only shoot yourself in the foot, but neat in-page links to do it till you’re done with the pain ;-)

Shoot yourself in the foot

Click on one of the following links to shoot foot of choice

Shoot yourself in the left foot
Shoot yourself in the left foot

This is your left foot

You have clicked on an anchor link to shoot yourself
in the left foot, congratulations, enjoy the pain!

This is your right foot

You have clicked on an anchor link to shoot yourself
in the right foot, congratulations, enjoy the pain!

If you have any foot left, click on this link to try again

Click here to have another shot

ps: hillarious, I forgot the PRE tags in the previous post and it bloody interprets the HTML, so you can click till your feet are all gone!

[...] read more | digg story [...]

CSS:
You try to shoot your left foot, you miss 2 pixels. You try to shoot your right foot, you miss 1 pixel. Finally you try to shoot your head, you miss 10 pixels. Then you realize you’re using MS IE gun.

CSS:
You try to shoot your left foot, you miss 2 pixels. You try to shoot your right foot, you miss 1 pixel. Finally you try to shoot your head, you miss 10 pixels. Then you realize you’re using MS IE gun.

A few more…

PeopleSoft:
In order to afford the required modules and the consultants necessary to implement foot shooting, both arms and legs are sold. Two years later and seven figures in the red, corporate realizes that the feet had been sold with the legs and finally shoots the project.

C++Builder:
You easily wrap efficient foot shooting code in a slick component-based GUI. Then an Internal compiler error shoots the IDE.

MetaOCaml:
The gun implementation is specified but not actually compiled until just before the foot is ready to recursively shoot itself.

MySQL:
After storing the foot in a table, you realize that triggers aren’t available for the chosen storage engine. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter because the foot didn’t match the field type and was silently converted to a watermelon.

Boo:
When the other .Net programmers hear that you’re using this, they laugh. Then they hold you down and take turns piddling on your feet.

[...] A hilarious list of ways to shoot yourself in the foot with in many programming languages. If you’re a coder, this is good got a quick laugh.read more | digg story Share and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. [...]

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language (tags: humor programming funny geek fun humour) No Tags « links for 2006-10-03 Tags / Verwandte Artikel: [...]

HTML:
You cannot shoot yourself in the foot, but you can link to something that will.

PHP:
You try to shoot yourself in the foot with one of the myriad of near-identical bullets in the massive default arsenal, and go insane wondering why it won’t fire until you realize that the particular gun you chose is version 4 and you’re trying to fire a version 5 bullet.

POSTSCRIPT:
You have to draw a gun and a foot and Adobe Distiller fires it for you, because there is no-one left on Earth who can program in Postscript.

LaTeX: first put this in the file shoot.tex:

\documentclass{article}
\newcommand{\shootinfoot}{\Large{bang!}}
\begin{document}
\shootinfoot
\end{document

now compile the file to dvi by running
latex shoot.tex

next make a pdf from the dvi:
dvipdfm shoot.dvi

now email yourself the pdf and read it with acrobat reader.

[...] fullduplex.org » How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language (tags: lolz Code) Posted by seahawk Filed in Uncategorized [...]

for postscript repeat the LaTeX instructions, but make a ps file from the dvi by
dvips -f shoot.ps
then you don’t need to find someone who can program in postscript.

GML:

draw_sprite(gun_f);
instance_destroy(obj_foot);

Once you run it, an “Unexpected Error” pops up, and your whole body crashes without telling you what the problem is. Later you find out you didn’t have enough RAM.

[...] read more | digg story [...]

Javascript

You pull the trigger, wait 10 minutes, look down the barrel, and then the gun shoots you in the face.

[...] Another humorous howto’s for programmer, how to shoot yourself in the foot in any programming language. [...]

.Net:

You bend over and spread `em, as your masters at Microsoft command.

While Gates and Ballmer have their way with you, you shoot yourself in the foot.

It’s over, and you’re now sore in two spots. You manage a wan smile when you find Ballmer has left a crumpled dollar bill on the dresser.

But then you realize your wallet is missing.

Turing:

you write code, try to run, but of course due to a completely different syntax to any other language, you have 99 errors. you then proceed to fix these, in the end creating a stick figure with a text based gun.
congrats.

EJB

- Define a Foot interface
- Define a FootHome
- Define a FootImpl
- Define a Bullet interface
- Define a BulletHome
- Define a BulletImpl
- Define a Gun interface
- Define a GunHome
- Define a GunImpl
- Get the FootHome from the context
- Catch NamingException because you JNDI isn’t setup
- Get existing Foot from FootHome
- Fix error because you forgot to narrow the instance
- Create new Gun
- Be shocked that it actually worked successfully
- Create new Bullet instance
- gun.shoot(bullet, foot);
- Catch TransactionRolledBackException because your isolation level was incorrect
- rm -rf *.java *.class

[...] This is destined to be a classic. [...]

%Turing%

you attempt to create a gun, but instead end up with a text-based version of battleship that only lets you fire on your own ships…
%sigh

[...] I found this at Shooting yourself in the foot in various programming languages. There were a few different one’s posted on this site as well: How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language.Here are some of the items that I particularly enjoyed, from languages I actually know: [...]

RPG:
You try to shoot yourself in the foot. But your foot is in the wrong column, you’ve run out of indicator bullets, your gun gives you a data decimal error, and when you finally pull the trigger your hand fails a level check.

Functional programming: you now have a new foot with a hole through it.

Perl 6: You intend to do something simple but are confused because every operator has changed since Perl 5, so the result is shooting yourself in the foot.

Python:

gun.shoot(me.foot) works once you tell Python that you have a gun and a body, but you keep aiming at the whitespace between your toes because you never used any in Perl.

Objective-C: You +load the gun and -pullTheTrigger:(id)target. Your foot gets -shot:(id)sender.

Objective-C (alternate): you swizzle -shoot, and it produces a banana when you fire.

[...] fullduplex.org » How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language updated foot shooting… (tags: geek funny humor programming) Posted by geekfreak Filed in Bookmarks [...]

[ C
You shoot yourself in the foot. ]

Like C is that easy …

[ C
You shoot yourself in the foot. ]

Like C is that easy …

.NET Windows app style

Yous have two forms the foot and the Gun . You use the shoot event to fire on ur foot . . but you are surpeised that it doesnt work .. becoz the ‘PullTrigger’ event surprisingly occurs AFTER the shoot event . .then you try to manually fire the Pulltrigger event . . suddenly XP throws an error and sends a report to microsoft saying you have illegally shot you own foot . .

[...] Thanks to the original source of the article [...]

[...] How to shoot yourself in the foot in any programming language. Like this post? Share it:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. [...]

In JavaScript:
You have no idea how to shoot, you download 10-year old NN4HotFootShoter.js, which shoots your arm off on any browser other than IE5.

Ancient stuff, at least 15-20 years old (definitely pre-web). Still, quite amusing. In a nostalgic kind of way. Here’s more fun stuff for old-schoolers: http://www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/ed.msg.html

[...] Saw this one on the digg wires and thought it was too good to pass up posting: How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language: C You shoot yourself in the foot. [...]

.Net

Microsoft hands you a gun and swears blind it’s a toenail clipper

Someone throws a fucking chair at you.

C#: AFter searching for five hours, you find three seperate Foot and Gun implementations on the MSDN. None of them works as described.

wow, no python?

Flex w/Hibernate & Java:

You practice shooting yourself in the foot at home and are successful. Once you get out in public with the same foot and the same gun, you find it misfires. Returning home to suss out the problem you can no longer find your foot. After getting a new foot from God your gun now misfires at home as well. To solve this, you place 50 extra bullets into your left hip pocket. Finally you’re able to shoot yourself in the foot in public by unloading and reloading your gun several times.

Personal experience, everyone!

XHTML:
While proudly displaying your w3c-compliance badge, you realise that XHTML does not have a tag to express foot semantically and you end up aligning the gun with a table anyway.

[...] Kuinka ampua itseään jalkaan ohjelmointikielessä kuin ohjelmointikielessä. [...]

PL/SQL:
you put the bullet in the gun, but it is not really a bullet; you somehow managed to put a lipstick into the gun barrel, causing the gun to explode when shooting

PHP:
You have blindfolded yourself and choose a gun out of millions of guns and only found yourself with million options to shoot yourself with the gun.

Mediawiki:

[[Shut yourself]] in the [[foo]]. 6 October 2005, draft_dodger64 (talk)
[[Shut up|Shut yourself]] in the [[Metasyntactic variable|foo]]. 7 October 2005, GrammarWidget (talk) Fixed broken links!
[[Shoot yourself]] in the [[Metasyntactic variable|foo]]. 9 November 2005, gun_nutz (talk) ?
Tony the tiger is a legend who likes little boys. 3 January 2006, 213.249.117.11 (talk)
[[Shut up|Shut yourself]] in the [[Metasyntactic variable|foo]]. 4 January 2006, GrammarWidget (talk) rvv
[[Shut up|Shut yourself]] in the [[foot]]. 15 March 2006 OrthopedicMD (talk) I think “foot” is the intent here.
[[Shut up|Shut yourself]] in the [[foot (prosody)|]]. 15 March 2006 GrammarWidget (talk) Disambig…wouldn’t make sense to shut up in the [[foot (anatomy)]]
[[Shut up|Shoot yourself]] in the [[foot (prosody)|]]. 25 April 2006 64.12.154.99 (talk)
[[Shoot]] yourself in the [[foot (anatomy)|]]. 3 June 2006 RandRoid (talk)
[[Shoot (botany)|]] yourself in the [[foot (anatomy)]]. 4 June 2006 GrammarWidget (talk) Disambig.
[[Shooting|Shoot]] your[[self (sociology)|]] in the [[foot (anatomy)|]]. 10 October 2006, gun_nutz (talk) GrammarWidget dont you dare change this!

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language is a tongue.cheek placed article about… well, the title says it all. [...]

[...] Without it I wouldn’t see 8 years of photos in one video, how to make an amazing fancy dress outfit or how to shoot yourself in the foot in any programming language. [...]

you da bomb

CREATE PROCEDURE dbo.spShootSelfInFoot
AS
SET NOCOUNT ON

INSERT INTO tblSelf (foot)
VALUES ((SELECT TOP 1 bullet FROM tblGun))

GO

Windows batch file:

:shoot
move c:\gun\ammo c:\foot\ammo
goto shoot

VS2005

Drag and drop foot from toolbox
Drag and drop gun from toolbox
Drag bullet from gun and drop on foot
Consult MSDN

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language Not quiet sure which programming language your working with, here is a handy guide to get your bearings right. [...]

[...] A hilarious list of ways to shoot yourself in the foot with in many programming languages. If you’re a coder, this is good got a quick laugh.read more | digg story [...]

In FoxPro/VFP:

CREATE TABLE body (cParts C(50), cStatus C(10))
INSERT INTO body (”Left Foot”, “Good”)
INSERT INTO body (”Right Foot”, “Good”)
INSERT INTO body (”Head”, “Good”)

REPLACE cStatus with “Shot” for “Foot “$cParts

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language [...]

[...] fullduplex.org » How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language (tags: funny geek programming) [...]

[...] Das dürfte der Running Gag für Java Programmierer sein. Das war nicht witzig? Na gut, aber dafür hat mein hochgeschätzter (Blogger) Kollege eine ganze Liste mit “Foot Shots” für beinahe jede Programmiersprache. Lesenswert! [...]

[...] fullduplex.org » How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language [...]

After finally succeeding to shoot yourself in the foot after many…zzz…many attempts, you realize that your task has changed days ago but you didn’t notice because you were too busy and tired from shooting your head. :)

C#: Of course you can shoot yourself in the foot — as long as you declare the code “unsafe”

This is awesome !! — please add CF to your “list”

ColdFusion:
application.cfm takes your shoes off for you, loads your gun for you, and cfschedules a doctor’s appointment. You successfully shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody believes you.

[...] Geçen gün Digg sitesinde geziniyordum, her ne kadar sitenin yapısına çok aldırmasam da arasıra güzel makalelere rastlamak mümkün burada, her neyse programlama tabanlı makalelere bakarken muhteşem bir derleme yazıyla karşılaştım. Konu: Çeşitli programlama dillerinde ayağınıza nasıl ateş edersiniz Son derece eğlenceli bir derleme olmuş, okurken çok güldüm, linki burada: How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language [...]

[...] Hilarious blogpost on the differences between programming languages: How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language. [...]

The MediaWiki one is hilarious! Also, kudos to Tom Slavens who actually mentioned Boo.

[...] A hilarious list of ways to shoot yourself in the foot in many programming languages. If you’re a coder, this is a good, quick laugh.read more | digg story [...]

$ apt-get install gun
Permission denied
$ ohhh, shit!
bash: ohhh,: command not found
$ sudo apt-get install gun
Password:
Package gun was not found
$ sudo apt-get update
(…)
$ apt-get install gun
Permission denied
$ sudo apt-get install gun
(…)
gun installed successfully
$ gun
gun: Invalid arguments
$ man gun
(…)
$ sudo apt-get install bullets
bullets installed successfully
$ gun -shoot -bullet=/usr/local/bullets/bullet1 -target=/home/user/foot/
gun: Cannot move /usr/local/bullets/bullet1, Permission denied
$ sudo gun -shoot -bullet=/usr/local/bullets/bullet1 -target=/home/user/foot/
(…)
Kernel Panic!

HTML:

You build your gun, bullet, and foot as an HTML page. Figure out how to format and lay them out with CSS, then write javascript code to pull the trigger. Hours later after failing to make it work in IE you shoot yourself in the head.

[...] hilarious list of ways to shoot yourself in the foot with in many programming languages. If you’re a coder, this is good got a quick laugh.read more | digg story internet marketing [...]

Actionscript 1.0:
You create and arrange the gun, bullet and foot on the stage, and manually tween the bullet towards the foot on the timeline. Put a stop on frame one and an invisible button with a play() command over the trigger.

Actionscript 2.0:
Create a gun class and pre-compile into a component. Create a foot class and pre-compile into another component. Instansiate both via Actionscript 1.0 on frame 1. Gun misses because foot component hadn’t loaded yet, because you selected “export in first frame”.

Actionscript 3.0:
Install Flash 9 Public Alpha. Open the help panel to find no documenation. Go buy actual gun, shoot actual foot.

[...] How to shoot yourself in any programming language Check this funny bit on how to shoot yourself in any programming language here Filed under : UncategorizedBy admin On October 7, 2006 At 9:40 pm Comments :   [...]

Oh man, I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. I had tears on some of these.

[...] A funny tutorial was published, which describes how to shoot yourself in the foot in any programming language. If you know a few languages (even superficially) this will make you laugh. (via Digg) [...]

[...] Shooting Yourself in the Foot in Programming Languages How to shoot yourself in the foot in any programming language. Very funny (if you happen to acquire different programming languages on your belt). For example, “Perl — You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how you did it. Six months later, neither can you.”, and “Python — You try to shoot yourself in the foot but you just keep hitting the whitespace between your toes.” Tagged in Humour, Programming, Quickies | Sun, 8 October 2006 9:12 pm [...]

QT: There are so many ways to shoot yourself in the foot you get tired and just go get a pizza.
GTK: Linus shoots you in the foot.

lol man :D

AppleScript: You can shoot yourself in the foot more easily than with any other language, but the number of people who will benefit from it is negligible.

Heh, i like it.

Damn what’s with this font in this textbox.

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language Tagged as: fun development software « Reasons Why We Have Kids   [...]

4D:

After you have successfully create a gun to shot yourself in the foot, you deploy the gun to the server, only a few of your clients has the opportunity to use the gun, the rest of them will have to wait, because the gun is (surprisingly) busy…

This is SO making the rounds at work tomorrow (I do tech support and the advanced hosting guys will be laughing their collective arses off). Thank you for the best laugh I’ve had in ages.

X11: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but instead get footed in the gun because the client-server paradigm is backwards. Also, your foot is inexplicably rendered in 4-bit color at a resolution your monitor does not support.

[...] fullduplex.org » How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language (tags: funny geek programming) [...]

One Russian site (Cooler) recently published this list (vodka in litres and name for the package) which I found was quite funny.

I republish it here:

Vodka and Programmers (not Only Java)

0.1 L - demo
0.25 L - trial version
0.5 L - personal edition
more on the site:
http://javafaq.nu/java-article812.html

Gobol:

You try to figure out, what the heck you are doing. After a while you just need to call some very old geek to shoot yourself to foot.

CSS:
structure the HTML with a strict doctipe and use advanced selectors only to find the next situation:
firefox: you shot yourself in the foot.
opera: you missed the foot in about 150px because it rendered wrong.
safari: you can never be too sure because no one here uses MAC…
IE5.5: gun backfires and hit your head.
IE6: gun fires after you hacked IE to recognize the :shoot > #right_leg selector but instead bounces off a float bug and hit yourself in #left_testicle.
IE7beta3: you think you completed the mission just to find out that IE7beta4 invented a whole different approach to CSS where you are the gun, the bullet is your leg and your leg got lost, and nowhere to be found…

APL…
Solve simotainous complex equations of every possible trajectory for shooting everyones feet with each gun and compress the 5 dimensional matrix down to your foot and your gun. All in 1 line of code!!!

)crash

[C#]
You can create and shoot a gun in C#, but you can’t shoot your foot in managed code. You didn’t know that?

You rewrite in ANSII C. You release your code under the GPL, which means that others can shoot themselves in the foot, but if they make improvements, they have to release them with the source code.

I don’t see any of the aspect-oriented languages represented yet.

AspectJ: declare that one aspect of your foot is that it can be shot.

Verisity ‘e’: extend your foot by putting a bullet in it. Unexpectedly discover that you’ve accidentally shot everyone else in the foot at the same time.

NEOBOOK 5.5

First you find somebody to PLUG the bullet in your foot IN a certain way. It should look something like

if “[toe]” “=” “still OK”
abFuzzle_in “bullet1″ “toe[pubdir]” “ouch”
endif

SAVE AS “[pubdir]schoot_yourself_in_the_foot”

When program has started, click the trigger to have hand moved bullet onto toe

How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language …

 Absolutely hilarious take on how to write code to “shoot your foot” in various programming language. Here is a taste:

Assembly: You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot…

You guys all sound like youngsters.

From old Dr. Dobbs Journal (if memory serves)…

1. Basic - slow interpreter pushes bullet through your foot causing excrusiating pain.

2. C - compiler “assumes you know what you are doing” so lets you shoot yourself in the foot.

3. Pascal - compiler will not let you shoot your self in the foot(as mentioned already)

4. Fortran - optimizing compiler shoots bullet clean through your foot, cauterizes the wound, and now you can see right through that hole! (My favorite, since I started with Fortran…WatFiv)

Fantastic list :) Some nice contributions, too!

[...] Muito bom. Vale a pena dar uma olhada. [...]

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language [...]

[...] So, my point is that’s what makes PHP interesting. As the jokesaid, [...]

Wow…. Can’t belive this list is still making the rounds. And it’s been added to since I last saw it.

XML:
You create tags to describe the gun, the bullet, being sure that the bullet tag is nested inside the gun, and also describe the foot.
Then create an XML Schema so that the bullet occurs 0 or more in both the gun and the foot.
Then write an XSLT transformation to move the Bullet tag out of the Gun tag and insert it into the Foot tag.

VB.NET
You create a Gun class, a bullet class, and a foot class. You write a routine that creates an array list of bullets and loads it into the Gun class. Only after running it do you realize you forgot the Trigger_Pulled event.

VB.NET, pt2.
You get the Trigger_Pulled event hooked up only to finds out that the Bullet_Fires event args are of version .45 when the Gun is expenting even args of version .308

[...] fullduplex.org » How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language Unix % ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o % rm * .o rm: .o: No such file or directory % ls % [...]

Windows

Boot computer.
Done.

REBOL…

You create a bullet to shoot yourself in the foot, only to find out that no guns support your bullet.

[...] Read the whole hilarious thing here.It should be noted that after/during reading this, I could NOT stop laughing for atleast 5 whole minutes. [...]

[...] Idėjiškai kaip įsišauti į koją su kokia nors programavimo kalba? Žemiau pateikiu kelis pavyzdukus, o toliau galite pasiskaityti orginale [...]

Shoot yourself in the left foot

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language More languages than you can throw a stick at, but funy as hell. : ) (tags: fun code geek) [...]

[...] fullduplex.org » How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language via the head lemur. (tags: humor programming languages) [...]

ssssssssssss

Hibernate / NHibernate or any other ORM

You create Entities for Gun, Bullet and Foot
and then create there Gun.hbm.xml, Bullet.hbm.xm and Foot.hbm.xml Mapping Files . and then..

Foot foot =new Foot();
Gun gun =new Gun();
gun.Bullets.Add(10);

gun.Fire(foot);

When you run it, gun drops a bullet very slowly, and nothing happens to your foot ???

then you suddenly figure out in hibernate mapping (Lazy=’true’)

Ruby: You give someone else the gun, and your foot, and your foot gets shot someplace else. Sometimes they replace your gun with their own, possibly better but subtly incompatible gun (which might not ACTUALLY be a gun, but looks jUST like one), but you can’t tell the difference. Both the gun and your foot are REALLY terse, though.

def shootFeet(gun, feet)
feet.each { |foot| gun.shoot(foot); }
end

Visual Basic: You don’t exactly understand the gun, but it is point and ‘click’, so you manage to shoot yourself in the foot pretty quickly. Despite that, the rest of the world says, ‘Pfft. Look who thinks THEY can shoot themselves in the foot!’

XSLT: You try to shoot yourself in the foot, but discover that you can’t modify the foot with the bullet, because actually shooting yourself in the foot is a side-effect.

Thanks, haven’t had such a good laugh for a long time!

My suggestions (all based on real events):

PL/1 (also called PL/I, does anyone still know this?)
Some old guy forces you to learn to shoot yourself in the foot. But you have no manual and have to create your gun and bullet in a workshop without any light, tools or furniture.
When you manage to successfully shot your foot after 50 failed attempts, you realize that nobody except that old guy cares.

Microsoft Batch script
When you try to calculate the trajectory of the bullet, you realize that you don’t have any math operators… or bullets… or feet…
You give up.

Early Action script
You create a gun and add a bullet object to it. You load the bullet data from a server and realize that the bullet’s _parent doesn’t point to the gun anymore. So the gun has to repeatedly check whether the bullet has finished loading and then tell the bullet that it is in the gun. When you fire the gun, the bullet can’t find the foot and continues flying forever.

mIRC Script:

on *:JOIN:#gun: { if (foot == $nick) { gline +foot@* You been shot } }

Loved Nicks .Net Enterprise way but he forgot to submit the requirements docs to the SOX commitee for review.

Perl:
There’s more than onw way to shoot yourself in the foot

ASP.NET:
Drag the pistol onto Foot.aspx page, then open the page in Internet Explorer just to find out that IIS crashed

Prolog

shoot_in_the_foot(X) :- pistol(Y), aim(Y,Z), foot(Z), !.

[...] This is sooo old, but I still can’t stop laughing about it! fullduplex.org » How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language October 23rd 2006 Posted to fun, Computer [...]

JAVA :

Foot foot =new Foot();
Gun gun =new Gun();
gun.bullets.Add(10);

gun.fire(foot);

Result:
NullPointerException at : gun.bullets
or
java.lang.OutOfMemoryError at: gun.bullets.Add(10);

ClassNotFoundException at: Gun gun
-You have been placed the Gun.class in the classpath?

[...] Classic programmers humor October 7, 2006 @ 1:59pm I actually laughed quite a bit when I read How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language. [...]

[...] Page Summary: This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas. YOu figure out how to shoot your self in roughly ten secondss. When you get it to shoot 3 days later, you find you shot someone else in the foot. You successfully shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody believes you.read more | digg story              [...]

Natural (Software AG) —

Shoot your foot.

(It’s so obvious there’s no joke to be made.)

COBOL –

A foot is being shot, but whose foot it is, and where that foot is stored is unclear and naturally there is no documentation to clarify.

// main user kiling function
//————————–
void main()
{

try
{
//shoot until uzer die
for(;;) Gun->Shoot();
}
catch(…) {
// finaly anayway kill user
Gun->Kill();
}

// Still try survival? ;}}}
main();
}
//————————–

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language   [...]

Very funny

Thanks for sharing with us…

Would like to see VBScript, PL/SQL and actionscript

Another ActionScript 2 one?

The bullet can’t fing your foot because it’s in the scope of the gun. So you wrap the trigger.onSqueeze event handler in a Delegate.create(this), but now the bullet doesn’t fire at all. Finally you just put everything on _global. It works except that it shoots the wrong foot.

XAML

Draw the gun, the bullet and the foot in Adobe Ilustrator then export it to XAML :p

Delphi:
Borland might have a Gun compnent but its only available in the enterpise edition. You find a shareware Gun component with (…) but the documentation is missing.
After you find out how to use it, you’ll discover, it only works for one of your foot, but not the one you want to shoot it. After doing this for three days, you get angry and write your own gun component, in three hours, wich works perfectly (but only in your case).
Finally you make your component publicly available for others, without proper documentation, and some stupid bug, because of what it’ll never work for somebody else.

[...] When you run it, gun drops a bullet very slowly, and nothing happens to your foot ???then you suddenly figure out in hibernate mapping (Lazy=’true’) #crossposted from http://www.fullduplex.org/humor/2006/10/how-to-shoot-yourself-in-the-foot-in-any-programming-language/ Published Monday, November 20, 2006 3:20 PM by hamzakhalid Filed Under: General [...]

Perl

use Gun;
shoot my $foot;

Only the Unix shoot yourself in the foot example really does shoot yourself in the foot.

Unix
% ls
foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o
% rm * .o
rm: .o: No such file or directory
% ls
%

The C code explanation comes close but isn’t actually code. I suggest:

null Shoot(string *ThingToShoot)
{
ThingToShoot = “Bang!”;
}

CSS:
body { font-size:20pt; }
p { font-size:10pt; }

I thought the point of the article was funny ways to actually shoot yourself in the foot programmatically. Only the Unix code made me laugh, hard. Surely you could all get creative and suggest actual code that does shoot yourselft in the foot.

Coldfusion:
You write a code to shoot yourself in the foot and you are excited about compatibility of your code with Java and Flash and Flex and Ben Forta! But you never get to shoot yourself and you feel retarded about yourself.

Cold Fusion

Gary F

Cold Fusion
<cfshoot target=”foot,right” action=”shoot” gun=”357″ />

Gary F

Warm greetings! Thanks for all the information, a very nice and well done site! Cheers.

[...] A hilarious list of ways to shoot yourself in the foot with in many programming languages. If you’re a coder, this is good got a quick laugh.read more | digg story [...]

Very exceptional pieces of information. Very nice webpage though. I applaud

I wonder is this “shot” code multiplatform.
Maybe some topic about How to Shoot Your Foot on Mac, Palm, or Symbian platform .

howsabout:
Perl:
You ask on comp.lang.perl.misc and the regulars boss you around some and then start a mini competition to see who can shoot themselves in the foot with the fewest silly characters. Watching this, you’re so confused you accidentally pull the trigger

8086 Assembly:

LEA DS GUNSEG
ASSUME DS GUNSEG
MOV DX,GUN
MOV AX,AMMO
SHOOT:
PUSH TRIGGER
POP BULLET
DEC AX
JNZ SHOOT

Hahahaha, I am 100% identified with the unix one.

hahaha, I love this post!!!

hahaha, nice porst

[...] Section Fun….Ways to shoot yourself in the foot w/ various programming languages ….. [...]

Keep it up (like I do :-)) Great site - loved the bit about yourselves.

Oh, I remember … found a predecessor of this list almost 8 years ago. Still, I’m missing my favourite:

Unix: Unix gives you a huge assortment of weapons already loaded, unlocked and pointed in the right direction to shoot yourself in the foot.

And by the way, yes, I read page footers ;-)

Labview:
You draw your Foot, but the Gun Diagram grows into a huge monstrosity. So you sit and watch for 3 hours in Debug mode with great expectation….approaching the the gun firing frame…..any minute now…..”fart!”

This would apply to all languages:

You create a revolutionary new way to shoot yourself in the foot and implement it in all your applications.

Years later after it becomes a universally accepted way of shooting yourself in the foot a small, unknown company sues you for infringing their paten for “Self inflicted injury of the body using a projectile” which they had filed for in 1995 but completely forgot about till just this very moment.

Using the last bit of capital left after years of court battles, you pay a licensing fee for shooting yourself in the head and months later are buried in the Bahamas.

The best way to shoot yourself in the foot is to draw a picture in Photoshop doing that. :)

What a great web site…

[...] from here, where it was borrowed from somewhere else too. No Comments so far Leave a comment RSS [...]

Yeah, very funny indeed. Keep it up!

Using AppleSoft BASIC, you discover that there’s no way to shoot yourself in the head. You can, however, induce an epileptic seizure in a small subset of the population:

10 INVERSE
20 FOR Y = 1 TO 40
30 FOR X = 1 TO 25
40 PRINT ” “;
50 NEXT X
60 NEXT Y
70 POKE 49236,0
80 POKE 49237,0
90 GOTO 70

CL:

PGM
DCL VAR(&BULLET) TYPE(*DEC) LEN(1 0)
DCL VAR(&WEAPON) TYPE(*CHAR) LEN(5)
DCL VAR(&FOOT) TYPE(*CHAR) LEN(4)
CHGVAR VAR(&BULLET) VALUE(6)
CHGVAR VAR(&WEAPON) VALUE(’WEAPON’)
CHGVAR VAR(&FOOT) VALUE(’FOOT’)
SHOOT:
IF COND(&BULLET *GT 0) THEN(DO)
CALL PGM(SHOOT) PARM(&WEAPON &FOOT)
CHGVAR VAR(&BULLET) VALUE(&BULLET - 1)
GOTO CMDLBL(SHOOT)
ENDDO
ENDPGM

[...] to shoot yourself in the foot in any programming language Taken from: fullduplex.org How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language I know you’ve all prolly seen it before, but I still think it’s funny every time I read it. C You [...]

[...] fullduplex.org » How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This guide is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such dilemmas. [...]

Not a programming language, but:

eclipse:

you finally get all the classes, extensions and imports right, but when you run it, it can’t find the foot.shoot class because you forgot to clear your launch configuration vefore each launch.

eclipse rcp:

After 5 weeks, you have the foot, gun, shooting hand, and bullet extension, and the fire action, but you can’t figure out how to make gun invoke the fire action. You finally scrap the action and use ActionFactoy, but it doesn’t have a shoot action. You through your computer at your foot instead.

This is a really interesting article. I am sure Internet Dudes would find this interesting

You forgot shooting yourself in the foot using OS X’s Finder.

“This action could not be completed because you do not have sufficient privileges to shoot some of these items.” Despite the fact that you own the gun, and the bullets, and the foot.

[...] in the Foot in Any Programming Language 1pssts cynthrax shared this 0 seconds ago http://www.fullduplex.org/humor/2006/10/how-to-shoot-your…  cached copy] "Perl You shoot yourself in the foot, but nobody can understand how [...]

XSLT: You spend all day Googling to figure out how to shoot yourself in the foot. The syntax to do so is completely ridiculous, and you have to copy someone else’s template. It doesn’t work. You shoot yourself in the head.

C++: You can’t shoot yourself in the foot, because you can’t get the makefile to put everything in the right order. If you include foot.h before main.h, it complains of things being redefined in stdio.h. If you do it the other way around, main() doesn’t know what a foot is because it’s defined before foot.h is included.

HTML: You can shoot yourself in the foot just fine, except in IE, the gun disappears.

C on ARM CPU: You write some inline ASM to shoot yourself in the foot, but what it actually ends up doing is endlessly putting bread into the toaster and taking it out again. After much debugging, you discover that although your routine was compiled as ARM, the compiler decided to have it execute as THUMB.

Borland Delphi:

type
TFootType =(ftLeft, ftRight);
const times = 5;
var
Feet : TMovementHelper;
begin
Feet := TMovementHelper.Create();
try
if( self.Shoot(Feet[ftLeft], times )

I code mostly in Java, C, and VB. I had so much laugh reading this post. Thank you very much for this beautiful article

Web Hosting Reviews, Web Site Hosting…

I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting…

Domino:
On a form, page, view, subform, outline, column (shared or single use), about or using document, navigator or folder…
and/or
In computed text, a button(form, or action; shared or single use) a hotspot, agent, database script, web service, field, image, stylesheet, frameset or applet…

@shoot(”foot”)

[...] read more | digg story [...]

[...] Source: Read more at Fullduplex.org. [...]

[...] read more | digg story [...]

[...] read more | digg story [...]

[...] read more | digg story [...]

Local Jobs Guide…

I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting…

[...] read more | digg story [...]

Delphi
You insert your foot, insert your gun, timer and bullets and after compiling it says eror reading file Foot.dfg, after compiling again you get error F0000003C. Then you read Expert forum and it says you must change some file in sys dir. Later you are happy couse your foot is still not damaged.

[...] most importantly, shooting yourself in the foot feels a lot like C++. I’ve done it a few times now—boring [...]

[...] Here’s another version with more languages. [...]

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language. Sphere: Related Content [...]

.: ABAP :.

SELECT * FROM z_weapons INTO TABLE it_gun WHERE weapon = ‘gun’ AND bullet = ‘9mm’.
SELECT foot FROM z_body INTO wf_foot WHERE part = ‘leg’.

LOOP AT it_gun INTO wa_gun.

CALL METHOD pull_triger.
IF sy-subrc = 0.
INSERT wa_gun-bullet INTO wf_foot.
ELSE.
INSERT wa_gun-bullet INTO wa_gun-gun.
ENDIF.

ENDLOOP.

.: ABAP :.

SELECT * FROM z_weapons INTO TABLE it_gun WHERE weapon = ‘gun’ AND bullet = ‘9mm’.
SELECT foot FROM z_body INTO wf_foot WHERE part = ‘leg’.

LOOP AT it_gun INTO wa_gun.

CALL METHOD pull_triger.
IF sy-subrc = 0.
INSERT wa_gun-bullet INTO wf_foot.
ELSE.
INSERT wa_gun-bullet INTO wa_gun-gun.
ENDIF.

ENDLOOP.

[...] Und auf der Seite gibts noch jede Menge mehr davon, vor allem in den Kommentaren. Nerdhumor, ja, aber wer’s versteht hat was zu [...]

How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot…

Okay, da haben wir wieder Nerd-Content. Aber das ist wirklich großartig. “How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot” in jeder erdenklichen Programmiersprache.

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidentally create a dozen clones of yourself and shoo…

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language (Kommentare lesen). via. [...]

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language Da ist fr jeden was dabei. Bitte auch die Kommentare berfliegen… Da wir hier ja im XHTML-Forum sind (aus den Kommentaren): Zitat: [...]

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language [...]

Awesome!

[...] alle Programmierer:  How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language. Ich spreche ja nun nicht wirklich [...]

just great1 thanks.

Library addends

OpenGL:
You shoot yourself in the foot with a unicorn.

DirectX:
When you give the order to fire, several gnomes appear and beat your foot to a pulp with unicorns.

I first saw the original of this list in the early ’90s, but I lost it and was looking for a copy today. This was the only one I could find, and I can’t copy or print it. One method that’s missing — I can’t recall now what language it was — had a lot of “point-click” in it, and finally you “pointed” the gun and it just went “click.” Another one I always loved was the one where you shoot yourself in someone else’s foot. There were only about a dozen languages back then. I’m a child of DOS.

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in any Programming Language. Nerdhumor, mal wieder, aber ich find’s lustig. [...]

[...] dar um tiro no próprio pé” em cada linguagem de programação. Não deixem de ler este post com o tradicional “How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language”. É [...]

LOGO:

You soon realize you simply *cannot* shoot yourself in the foot. Instead, you demand the turtle to BITE you in the foot.

[...] Ciroton *Readies a gun* Head, or heart? Wait a tic, why do you want to be killed? Therefore: fullduplex.org How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language Still no student loan on my account yet… Waiting…. Waiting… I’m going to buy a HTC Diamond! [...]

GENETIC EVOLUTIVE ALGORITHMS:

After some days of processment it creates a gun for shooting yourself in the foot, but suddenly it develops wings and fly away…

[...] various programming languages. There were a few different one’s posted on this site as well: How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language.Here are some of the items that I particularly enjoyed, from languages I actually [...]

Delphi

Delphi2-7:
You bought gun with bullets and write code for your foot. You write Gun.Shoot(Foot) in Button.OnClick event. You trigger the button and shoot your foot.

Delphi8:
After you realize the gun you bought not supported in this version and you cant shoot your foot anyway, because you must have bullet proof net on your foot, you did not shoot this time.

Delphi2005-2006:
You realize everything in building is changed and your movements are slowed down. You find your gun in different shelf in the room but user manual of it is missing. You load gun with bullets but gun melt when you trigger the button.

Delphi2009:
You finally find only half pages of your user manual of gun somewhere. You load gun (with Chinese label on it) with bullets, but you realize after all these years you can only have 32 bullet clip and you can shoot your foot only through windows. You start searching new gun which works outdoor.

Delphi

Delphi 2-7:
You bought gun with bullets and write code for your foot. You write Gun.Shoot(Foot) in Button.OnClick event. You trigger the button and shoot your foot.

Delphi 8:
After you realize the gun you bought not supported in this version and you cant shoot your foot anyway, because you must have bullet proof net on your foot, you did not shoot this time.

Delphi 2005-2006:
You realize everything in building is changed and your movements are slowed down. You find your gun in different shelf in the room but user manual of it is missing. You load gun with bullets but gun melt when you trigger the button.

Delphi 2009:
You finally find only half pages of your user manual of gun somewhere. You load gun (with Chinese label on it) with bullets, but you realize after all these years you can only have 32 bullet clip and you can shoot your foot only through windows. You start searching new gun which works outdoor.

[...] That is, call me in 18 months after you shoot all your clones or use your hacksaw to amputate or whatever. (Meanwhile I will have written six different versions [...]

Fusebox: You build a circuit board in your living room that knows how to insert the bullets into any gun you choose, and pretty soon, it can show you how it would look to shoot yourself in the foot. When you fire, everything in the room disappears. You now remember that your foot is still connected to the circuit board in the other room.

ColdFusion: A mistake in your gun causes a silent compiler error on the server. The result is your shot foot replaces the source foot on the server, while the server-cached copy of the last successful compile (your now overwritten, unshot foot) loads in the browser instead.

matlab

foot = bullet

ans=
colum 1 t 5
00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 000000000
00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 000000000
00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 000000000
00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 000000000
00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 000000000
00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 00000000000 000000000
….etc etc for ever

“oh for fuck sake!

TCL

You write a method to fire gun and invoke only to realize everything is a string, including the bullets, a single thread drifts from the end of the gun.

Haskell:
gun `shoot` foot
But there’s a side effect, so it doesn’t work. Try to use the state monad… get confused, so you write your own shooting monad, and then come up with this code:

gun >= id foot

but this puts your gun in your foot. Then you write your data types
data Space = Empty | Gun| Foot deriving (Show, Eq, Ord)

–if you’re right-handed, this code should work
shootFoot = foldr (shoot bullet) Empty $ enumFromTo Gun Foot

–For southpaws
foldl’ (shoot bullet) Empty $ enumFromTo gun foot

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language 5 02 2009 Source:  http://www.fullduplex.org/humor/2006/10/how-to-shoot-yourself-in-the-foot-in-any-programming-languag... [...]

Always a classic read! Never gets old.

shoot yourself in the foot (chapel)

reduce your foots values to get an idea of the essence God built them out of.
imagine yourself writing an iterator yielding the foots bounding shape. done.
then apply it in a function generating a sparse domain for your healthy foot.
shout for no reason and have a look at it: a skinny desert of default values.
slice your foots domain and watch parts of it disappear. now you’re the freak
you always wanted to be. earn money at a freakshow prior to reallocating your
foot; then try to make all of its values opaque which obviously doesn’t work.
get bored moving your foot over the surface of your body you suddenly find to
have been miscreated. feel sick and leave chapel on behalf of doing something
yourself rather than have the language do it for you. e.g. shoot yourself …

Lisp should be:

You shoot yourself in the head with the blue pill from The Matrix. After that you can’t stand to use any lesser programming language, so you spend all your time telling everyone how much better Lisp is until you starve to death.

Lua

Your foot is washed, pampered and manicured by a servant, then shot.

AMOS

You try to shoot yourself in the foot with 10 lines of code only to figure out that your extensions aren’t working so neither is the gun or bullet.

[...] reading the article “How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language“, I was challenged to learn this language due to it’s confusing syntax. Turns out, [...]

zsh

You know there must be a way to shoot yourself in the foot using only shell builtins parameter expansion flags. You spend a few hours reading the manpage and zsh-lovers, finding lots of interesting features you could have used as recently as last week, had you known about them. Finally, you find out how to shoot yourself in the foot, but you’ve already forgotten why you needed to.

… only shell builtins AND parameter expansion flags …

richfaces

you put together rich:hand, rich:gun and rich:foot in your jsp and the whole website blows up throwing DuplicatedBulletException in a bean you didn’t write.

Lua:

Halp somebody else shooting his foot.

Progress

find gun where gun.name = ‘very big’ no-lock no-error.
if not avail gun then do:
find gun where gun.name = ‘big’ no-lock no-error.
end.

find current gun exclusive-lock no-wait.
while locked(gun) do:
pause 1.
end.
gun.ammosize = 11.

find bodypart where bodypart.name = “right foot” exclusive-lock no-wait.
while locked(bodypart ) do:
pause 1.
end.

if avail bodypart then do:
gun.pointingAt = recid(bodypart)
run fireGun(buffer gun, buffer bodypart).
gun.pointingAt = ?.

delete bodypart.
end.
release gun.

Clojure: Braced for the pain, you pull the trigger and shoot your foot, but nothing happens. Opening your eyes, you see that firing the shot created a new foot with a hole in it.

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language [...]

[...] Although the more I look at Java the more convoluted a language it seems to be. There’s a humorous essay about how to shoot yourself in the foot in numerous programming languages. It’s all over the web but I tracked an early (original?) version down to here: http://www.fullduplex.org/humor/2006/10/how-to-shoot-yourself-in-the-foot-in-any-programming-languag... [...]

HTML: You place the bullet in the gun, gun in the leg, leg in the body and body below the head and realize, that there’s no way to trigger that shot and take everything apart to place bullet directly in the leg.

I’d go so far as to say that C should be:

You sht() yrslf() in the ft()

phpBB:
You set up your beautiful forum and quickly get hundreds of users. Then you decide you want to shoot yourself in the foot and start a thread to discuss how to do it. A number of suggestions are made, and you pick one that runs on the server, because it’ll run much more efficiently than on your own computer. However the code contained lines of comments carefully typed in chatspeak so nobody else can possibly understand it. You can’t work out what argument to pass the script, and when you run it it shoots the last row off a table that phpBB hardly uses. Next time you open the forum to complain that the script didn’t work, every page crashes out with a mySQL error and all the posts are deleted. You buy a real gun and shoot yourself in the foot.

AS3:

You create an instance of Foot and of Gun. By the time you load the gun, you realize that the garbage collector already got rid of the foot, and so you can no longer shoot it.

no-Ruby:
everything is a gun. even the foot

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ActionScript 3.0

Event.SHOT is dispatched thirty times a second but you don’t notice, because there is no listener on the foot.

Goo (programming language from Google)
You shooooot yourself in the foooooot.

Flash IDE:

give each foot a linkage name of foot.
shoot foot
silent conflict over who gets shot, shot ignored around the world.

remove instance names
attach linkage class
package{
import flash.display.MovieClip;
public class foot extends MovieClip{
public function foot(){
shoot(this)
}
private function shoot(targ:MovieClip):void{
trace(”you shot: “+targ);
}
}
}

both feet shoot them selves

C#

When trying to use the static method System.Gun.Fire you realize it requires an IFootShotCallback, when you try using the System.Gun.FootShotCallback, you realize it has no public constructor and is sealed. You decide to use System.Gun.PrettyPrettyPrincess instead as it’s easier to implement.

[...] someone who writes code in quite a few languages, I really enjoyed this article.read more | digg [...]

What a great article. Very inspiratanig.

ColdFusion:

Will said:
“You have to use someone elses gun. When you aim at your foot, you’re aiming at someone elses, and you’ve already forgotten how to fire the gun”

Jack said:
“You go to shoot yourself in the foot and then realize everything costs so much that you can’t afford a bullet”

ColdFusion:

You successfully create , but you can’t shoot it because the bullets cost too much.

ExtJS

You create you Ext.gun object, then you realize FireFox shoots you in the foot, Opera in the Leg, Chrome in the stomach. As for IE, you have to many rendering problem and shoot yourself in the head.

very cool blogpost :D

In ook:

Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook! Ook? Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook! Ook! Ook? Ook! Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook! Ook. Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook. Ook! Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook! Ook. Ook! Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook! Ook. Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook! Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook? Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook! Ook. Ook. Ook? Ook! Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook. Ook! Ook. Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook. Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook! Ook!

Then you realize that you are not an orangutan, and you don’t want to shoot yourself in your 4th hand.

Genetic algorithms: start with a spear, it evolves to a bow, to a musket, to a revolver, to a pistol and at last a cyborg that shoot all programmers in the foot.

GML: You fire the bullet at the foot, but it passes straight through it

I’m not convinced that ANY of these will work.
Can I have a test framework for EACH to PROVE that they will work… that doesn’t blow my foot off…

LabVIEW: You write the ultimate foot-shooting code in record time but become so involved in making your block diagram look pretty that you never get around to actually running it.

A lazy functional programming language:
Everything is fine, until you attempt to walk away…

SQL Server Reporting Services:
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to realize that you cant get at the Gun object from inside your report. You give up and write a nice report on how many feet were shot, what caliber the bullets were and how much money was budgeted for shooting people in the foot in any given month.

You run the report only to find that the BulletCaliber field was renamed to BulletSize 3 weeks ago and the DBA didnt tell anyone.

Iphone OS:
You write an app for shooting yourself in the foot and submit it to the App Store. Apple rejects it because the Gun framenwork is private and because all uses of the word foot are banned from IOS Apps because some guy in lower elbonia complained to Apple about it and threatened to sue.

Android:
You write an app for shooting yourself in the foot and load it onto your phone only to find that Gun is an Android 2.2 class and your carrier refuses to release an update to 2.2 for your 3-week old device.

You give up and buy a new phone running 2.2 (which is what your carrier wanted you to do), and port your app to the new phone only to find that your carrier has requested the OEM to disable the Gun class because it competes with their premium rate “call me and I will shoot you in the foot” hotline

Windows:
You call CreateGun to get a HGUN, call LoadGun to load it with bullets, call OpenFoot to get a HFOOT and then call FireGun only to find that FireGun wants a HBODYPART and no function exists to convert a HFOOT into a HBODYPART. You grovel around in the memory pointed to by the HFOOT and find a pointer to a HBODYPART. Your foot shooting app is deployed widely enough that Microsoft has to add an appcompat shim to the next version of Windows to make sure that the HBODYPART pointer is at the same location in memory as it was in the last version.

c++

using namespace std;
{

ammo bullet;
bullet = point_four_five;

gun revolver;
revolver = revolver;

bodypart foot;
foot = right;

gun << ammo;

foot << ammo

//at this point in run time you realise the buffer of the gun wasnt clear from the gun << ammo and the entire thing backfires, autofills all cin’s << and completely fucks up your day

c++

using namespace std;
{

ammo bullet;
bullet = point_four_five;

gun revolver;
revolver = revolver;

bodypart foot;
foot = right_foot;

revolver << point_four_five;

right_foot << ammo

//at this point in run time you realise the buffer of the gun wasnt clear from the gun << ammo and the entire thing backfires, autofills all cin’s << and completely fucks up your day

sorry, im tired

Deep Thought:

After 7.5 million years, the long-awaited trigger-pulling occurs. But you’ve long since died, been lost, found, burried, lost again, and recycled as firelighters and are generally nowhere to be seen.
Not to be defeated (that was your job), he designs a planet-sized computer to find all the original atoms of your long-decomposed foot and ruddy-well shoot them all individually.

5 minutes before, Vogons shoot a hole in the gun.
The mice are furious.

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language Tagged as: fun development software Leave a Comment LikeBe the first to like this post. [...]

O HAI
I CAN HAZ GUN NAOW?
GUN SHOOT BANG SHOOT
I CAN HAZ OW
KTHXBAI

In e IEC 61131-3 structured text on a PLC, you define the gun as output, the foot as input and in the cyclic program you shoot; shoot; shoot; shoot; shoot; …

:-)

C#

There’s a port of the Java foot-shooting library available on CodePlex, but if you wait a year, Microsoft will create an incompatible but similar implementation and include it in the Enterprise library, at which point they’ll claim that there was no real way to shoot yourself in the foot in any language until the .Net version was formalized into the EntLib.

Where is MS DOS?

@echo Shot echoes from a loaded gun
@echo Foot echoes “missed me”

[...] How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language [...]

Tcl - You try shooting your foot, but the bullet travels at 1 mph, and when it hits your foot, it first converts to the text “bullet”, before converting back into an actual bullet, and then hitting your left foot.

Python 3
You install all the modules required to shoot yourself in the foot. You than find out all the modules are for a different version of Python.

[...] искомую тему был написан забавный текст, автор которого теряется в веках (помнит ли ещё [...]

c++ :

you can create an instance of bullet to call ::shoot method … but you Get fatal Error was not found!! so you change to Logo programming language to use plastic 0~3 years old gun there and play with it … till you feel better mentally and come back to C++ and try to investigate what happened last time … and then go back to Java … and finally change you career :P

You gave me good informations. Thanks for this

I am so glad I located this blog.

Thanks so much for your share !

The blog looks great! Look forward to hearing more about social media, green advertising and more.

It’s fun.Very worth to read.

Thank you for your sharing, I am very happy to see your article.

Awsome, you guys rock

Oh, wo bist du gewesen Seelenverwandten? Ich halte 2 als auch, und ich liebe es einfach, Kulturbeutel, ich könnte nicht ohne sie reisen.

Küssen Das sieht gut aus

perfect i really like it

C#:

first you create a namespace Foot.Shooting and then you create the classes Foot, Gun, Bullet and FootShooter. For every class you write the requried constructors and the methods loadGun, shootTheFoot. In the methods you write exception handlers for bulletNotInGun, footMissed, gunNotLoaded. When you start your program you get the message “Error, missing .net framework please contact your local computer administrator to resolve this problem”

Go:

You shoot many feet, all at the same time, very, very quickly.

OCaml:

You create a new foot that is already shot, and treat that as your
original foot.

Erlang:
foot ! bullet.
then a supervisor respawns your foot

Prolog:
?- shoot(my_foot).
false.

TI-BASIC (on the 83 PLUS):
You can shoot yourself in the foot quite easily, but doing so will overwrite the grocery list from last week.

Regular Expressions:
You try to shoot a foot only if it is attached to one of your legs, but your interpreter doesn’t support alternations in lookbehinds.

Shooting yourself in the foot.

The easiest thing you can do in C even if you avoid that at all costs.

Scala: you stare at your foot for 3 days without any sleep, you then figrue out how to shoot yourself in the foot with one line of code… recursively.

That is the best example of java ever, i mean thats hall of fame right there!

I’m positive, that there is a way to do this in Regular Expressions

Regarding RPG…
I’ve been wondering why RPG is missing, but it’s fairly clear.
When you use RPG, you’ve already been shot in the foot before.

Objective -C - [self shoot:(Bullet *) bullet WithTarget:(Foot *) foot] but shoot: WithTarget: has been deprecated so Apple shoots your app out of the app store, shoots you, shoots your developer certification and demands you turn your gun into an e-book.

The original Python one is lame, here is what I think is a better one:

Python - someone gives you shit about significant whitespace, so you shoot them in the foot.

C#
You want to shoot yourself in the foot with yout Win32-Gun but the GC removes your Gun because you forgot to call GC.Keep(Gun).

from chemistry import exothermic
from physics import ballistic
from weapons import handgun
from ammunition import bullet, casing, powder
from body import hand, foot, blood
from introspection import self

PL/SQL
You get an obscure oracle error code at compile. You drop the database and call it day.

SAS software

list each and every way you can shoot yourself in your foot,
update the list with each new version of any SAS module,
retire before the list is finished.
(do not go to production, there is no discharge of the project)

or work dirty with sql:


PROC SQL;
INSERT INTO mybody (foot)
VALUES('bullet');
QUIT;

* NB This will return an error if you do not have a body or, if you have a body without a foot. ;

Unity Buy ShootFoot from Asset Store. Import Gun.prefab only to find that Foot is missing a MonoBehavior and Gun needs to have all its parameters declared in the inspector

[...] great power comes great responsibility.  This reminded me of that old programmer humour post “How to Shoot Yourself in the Foot in Any Programming Language” by Mike Walker. Scala: you stare at your foot for 3 days without any sleep, you then figrue [sic] [...]

F#

You aim a gun at your foot and pull the trigger, causing a copy of you with a hole in one foot and a gun minus one bullet to be created. A second later, you are garbage collected and the copy calls an ambulance.

[...] Good programmers learn new languages trivially, because they all have the same underpinnings. I find it helpful to think of three schools of programming language now-a-days. The first are the aspiring or popular languages like JavaScript, Go, Ruby, Python, Java, C#, C++ and C. These languages all have their imperative syntactic roots in Algol from the 1950′s. The languages are heavy on the syntax, and try to stop programmers from shooting themselves in the foot. [...]

TorqueScript - Create a “constant” for the rotation of a gun, only to have your newb employee change the rotation of the gun to aim at your foot.

Tcl- No one ever actually shoots themselves with TCL. Sometimes, when learning, programmers shoot themselves in the foot with a gun that has been decorated using Tcl.

Objective-C: You can’t find a gun. You finally find that you instead need a NSFirearm, but it doesn’t have a way to shoot. You finally figure out that you have to tell it to -fire, not shoot, but it wants you to pass it an id, but there’s no NSBullet. You finally figure out that it needs an NSBlackPowderProjectile. After all that, the next version of iOS has been released and now all you get is clang warnings and -fire never gets called.

SharePoint 2010:

Get a quad core machine with 16 gig of RAM and install SharePoint using the standalone server option.

SharePoint 2013:

Attempt to Install SharePoint on the above machine at all.

Lua: You come up with a decent way to shoot yourself in the foot, but you’re unsure if it’s the optimal way to go about it. You ask the mailing list. Someone points out that Lua has a “shoot foot” function built in, but it’s only exposed via the C API. The discussion devolves into a long debate about whether various functions should be exposed, how objects and OOP should be implemented, and whether nil should be a valid table index.

LSL: You use llGunAddBullet to load the gun. You try to ask the physics engine to point the gun at your foot, but there’s no way to get a reference to the foot, so you just aim at a fixed point and hope there’s a foot there. You use llGunShootBullet to fire, but it doesn’t work. You try llBulletFire instead, and your script runs out of memory.

C: You allocate memory for a bullet, a gun, and a foot. You make the gun point to the bullet and the bullet point to the foot. When you try to fire the gun, it explodes, because pointing a bullet at a foot leads to undefined behaviour. You then segfault.

Ubuntu: You call “shoot /dev/bullet ~/foot”. It doesn’t work because you have an old version of shoot (but you only figure this out after examining several files mentioned in incomprehensible error messages). The newest version isn’t in your repo. You download the source archive of the latest version. ./configure succeeds, but make fails because you don’t have libbullet-3.0-dev installed. You install that, and this time it fails with a syntax error. You file a bug report and never get a response.

Flash: You pull the trigger and the bullet slowly creeps toward your foot, stuttering. Flash crashes when it’s halfway there.

Buzzfeed: You won’t believe these nine crazy things people did to their feet! (Page 1 of 11)

Regex: You write a simple expression that should match both “shoot” and “foot”. It returns zero results. You Google to figure out why the . operator isn’t working.

Android: You find one free app which claims to be able to shoot you in the foot, but wants access to your contact list, your email, and the internet and to be automatically started at boot. Another seems legit, but the free version doesn’t allow you to load the gun; for that you need the “donation” version.

CSS: You can’t get the bullet to overlap your foot without first putting your foot in an invisible container. You fire and miss because the foot automatically wrapped to the next line.

Windows API: You look up the documentation on ShootFoot and find it’s obsolete. Instead you should use ShootFootEx which takes 8 parameters, including a handle to your application, a window, and a large struct.

C isn’t that easy.

C: You spend a half-hour trying to allocate the correct amount of memory to your gun, compile the code, and get an error. After 1 hour of searching, you find seven missing semi-colons. You fix the code, then compile it, this time with no errors. Upon running your code, you find that the gun has lost one bullet, your foot has gained one bullet and lost one litre of blood, but you don’t remember how it happened.

C++ is the same as C, but you feel obliged to use OOP.

Java is the same, but without the memory allocation. The code takes twice as long as the coding, and you actually are obliged to use OOP.

C#:

if(footIsShot == false)
{
System.Console.ShootFoot();
footIsShot = true;
}
else
{
callAmbulance()
}

Yet another copy of these is on http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/susan/joke/foot.htm .

Javascript pragmatic approach: Shoot yourself you’ll understand after you’re dead.

C

Hundreds of people spend thousands of hours making sure not a single gun can shoot any foot with this library.

Years later someone discovers the library only checks for one single gun, not two, and shoots the entire internet in both feet, and then the kneecaps.

A new library is born.

Hundres of people spend thousands of hours of hours making sure no guns, no matter how many, can shoot a single foot with this library…

Haskell
You have the gun and want to shoot your foot, but realize that the gun you have is just a voucher for a gun that is yet to be build.

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